You know you have lived in Singapore too long when

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  1. You no longer use terms like “no, that’s not possible,” “I can’t,” “I won’t be able to do that” or “it cannot be done”, you simply say “cannot” and may occasionally add “lah” for emphasis.
  2. You think that paying $120,000 for a Toyota is completely reasonable.
  3. You think that an amber traffic light means put your foot down. You think that a red light means carry on unless there really is something in your path.
  4. You only speak in acronyms.
  5. You truly believe that a 1200 square foot living space is large.
  6. You drive in a straight line at all times, regardless of how the road curves and bends.
  7. You think that a temperature below 25 degree warrants wearing a sweater.
  8. You think its totally acceptable to pay more for your children’s international school fees than the wages you pay your domestic helper who is at your beckon call 24 hours a day at least six days a week.
  9. You rev your car and start to edge forward as you wait at a red traffic light in the hope that you can turn the corner before the pedestrians start crossing. However, you won’t worry too much, if they have stepped on the road you will just swerve around them anyway.
  10. When people talk about four seasons you think they are planning a brunch.
  11. You know that taking a taxi may involve whiplash but you do it anyway.
  12. You call in a handyman to repair a burst pipe and aren’t surprised when five people show up and argue over how to do it.
  13. You are hugely insulted when someone addresses you as “auntie” instead of “sister.”
  14. You think it’s totally normal to ask someone how much he or she earns within 5-10 minutes of meeting their acquaintance.
  15. You’re quite happy to pay a premium to watch western shows that are 5-6 years old on the local cable channels.
  16. At 5ft 2 inches, you think you are tall.
  17. You think nothing of the fact that your child’s annual birthday party cost more than the locals’ average annual salary.
  18. You go to a taxi stand, not to wait for the next available taxi, but to call a taxi on the local booking system… only fools queue for taxi.
  19. You think that a destination that is more than 15 minutes drive away is the other side of the country (in fact it is).
  20. You think $10 is a good deal for a pint of beer.
  21. You fully accept that in a restaurant you will have to repeat yourself several times to the waiter and the order is still likely to be wrong. It will also be perfectly normal to be asked if you want the food to be served at the same time as whoever you are having dinner with, but more likely one of you will receive your dish 10-15 minutes before the other and will have finished eating by the time your partner’s food arrives.
  22. You think the idyllic village that you lived in at home is a dangerous place to live and wonder how you managed to survive prior to your relocation to the safe, crime-free streets of Singapore.

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